The Maple Leafs is sponsored by MILK. What if other teams have generic sponsors?

The dangling hands of capitalism know no bounds, and we are all used to a world where brands stain our favorite T-shirts. Some of this stuff is really dumb, as the Harley Davidson Bucks have only been beaten by the Sacramento Kings and Blue Diamond Almonds for the worst patch in the NBA.

Now there’s a new contender coming from the NHL, and thankfully he’s special.

milk! Not just milk, but the milk is written in text because this is a high quality artisanal milk, maybe it is obtained from moose or something. Well, that’s a lie – this isn’t an advertisement for Canadian moose milk, but rather Ontario Dairy, and the patch spreads the good word that mammalian nipple fluid is still the best drink in the world.

This got us all thinking: What other basic state feats should be celebrated in jersey patch form? This is the future we all have to accept, and a keyword like MILK is still much better than a brand that has nothing to do with the country.

Here are our suggestions for the most memorable item for every sports team

New York Knicks, Yankees, Mets and Brooklyn Nets – Pizza

I believe in bringing all of New York City’s amazing neighborhoods together to celebrate not just food, but lifestyle. Pizza doesn’t belong to just one chain or joint, it belongs to everyone – and this collective celebration of speckled cheese bread symbolizes New York City.

It’s a recognizable sign, it’s a sensation, and it makes a powerful statement to put the city’s flag on the ground and say “We’re pizza, all of us. Mess with one of us, and piss off all of us.”

Who wouldn’t want to root for pizza? It’s pizza. I may not particularly like the Knicks, but damn I love pizza – so I’m going to cheer for the Knicks family. At this point, they need all the fans they can get.

– James Computer

Miami Dolphins, Heat and Florida Panthers – Cocaine

according to Newsweek, This happened literally last month:

Do I really need to say more? When you think of Miami, you think of cocaine and caffeine (and honestly it might be the cocaine in the coffee shop because those things addiction). They even had a Miami Dolphin offensive line coach snoring cocaine before meetings! If this isn’t the hottest Miami thing ever, I’m really not sure what it is.

– GB Acosta

Denver Nuggets – Weed

In 2012, Washington and Colorado became the first two states to legalize recreational cannabis use. SuperSonics left Seattle in 2008, making Nuggets a natural partner for the Big Weed. Even after hemp being a Multi-billion dollar business in the stateWe’re talking about a team that’s literally called nuggets. This privilege has been a natural fit for Stones all along.

Have you ever seen Nikola Jokic’s thread of silly passes…. on weed? With all the apologies to Denver’s current jersey sponsor, Western Union, there’s nothing better for a big jersey patch than Nuggets.

– Ricky O’Donnell

Baltimore Ravens and Orioles – Crab

Crab Cake and Football. This is what Maryland does.

It’s more than just a line from a movie, it’s a lifestyle.

Head to the Orioles game in Camden YardsAnd you can’t find any shortage of offerings containing the staple in Maryland. Stop in at Jimmy’s Seafood and sample the Crab Cake Egg Rolls, which feature “the restaurant’s famous crab cakes in egg rolls with cream cheese mix, mango ponzu, and spicy mayonnaise.” Try the Crab Dip Pretzel, which is a soft baked pancake with crab sauce, Monterey Jack cheese, and of course, Old Bay seasoning. Stuggy’s offers Crab Mac N Cheese Dog, and if you’re looking for something different, you can find old-fashioned crab meat-filled sausages at the Wild Pitch Sausage location, near Section 45.

Looks like this is a bit of a layup.

– Mark Schofield

Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Rays – Hacking

Nothing really special in Tampa, but they do have plenty of boats. This makes sense because it’s right there next door to the Gulf of Mexico, making it one of the boating capitals in the United States. You can go fishing, you can enjoy the Super Bowl celebrations on the river like pirate act, or in a real hacking manner, Million dollar yacht stolenR and left him suddenly after colliding with some pillars.

I mean, the whole city is the subject of pirates. The Buccaneers play at Raymond James Stadium, which has a big-ass pirate ship firing cannons after every touchdown, and the city was home to the Gasparilla Bowl, which is also the name of the pirate festival that takes place in Tampa. Gasparilla is a legendary Spanish pirate who terrorized the people of the Gulf of Mexico. Sounds like hacker defense to me.

– GB Acosta

Nebraska Cornhuskers – corn

I mean it’s there in the name. This seems appropriate. Although did you know that Nebraska, better known as the Kornhusker State, isn’t the largest producer of corn in the United States? In fact, this title belongs to Iowa, followed by Illinois. Nebraska ranks first Third.

We hope this little fact comes in handy for your next trivia night.

Now if we can do something about Red Lil.

NCAA Basketball: Idaho, Nebraska

Dylan Wedger USA TODAY Sports

– Mark Schofield

North Carolina – Home Divided License Plates

I had a lot of ways I wanted to go with this method: pulled ham, pimento cheese, tobacco – but in the end I had to do what really defines this state in 2022. ‘House Divided’ license plates are everywhere . Go to the Outer Banks and count how many people hold UNC-Duke and UNC-NC State deck plates and you’ll have enough to fill a parking lot.

The basic idea, as far as I can tell, is some weird flexibility like “our relationship is stronger than any sports team we like”, which is pretty weird. Of course, the HOUSE DIVIDED panel is always accompanied by the stick figure family on the rear window, and maybe even the white oval “OBX” poster telling everyone where your vacation is.

– James Computer

Dallas Cowboys, Mavericks, Texas Rangers, Stars, Wings – Cowboys

Kind of layup here. Texas is the cowboy capital of the world and the Professional Bull Riding Championship is located in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. When we think of Cowboys, we immediately think of Texas and Dallas specifically. Now if I could ride bulls across town – that would be real cowboy behaviour.

– GB Acosta

Atlanta Dream, Hawks, Hawks, Braves – Peach

I could have gone a lot of different ways here, but I decided to play it safe and go with the peaches. It’s the state fruit of Georgia, and it makes some great desserts (shout out for my grandmother’s peach cobbler). It was also made for hawksPeachtree shirts, that gets really tough.

– GB Acosta

Seattle Storm, Mariners, Seahawks – Coffee

I went with coffee here instead of fish for several reasons. Known as the coffee capital of the United States, Starbucks is headquartered in Seattle. However, the main reason I use coffee here is because so much of it gives you a crazy rush where you act crazy and all of Seattle’s sports are clinically insane and never normal. They always play like they’ve had too much coffee and get stuck in the end. So the coffee works very well here.

– GB Acosta

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